Since I started grade school in 1990, all that I can remember from elementary school are Oregon Trail and Carmen Sandiego. And my times table.
Oregon Trail needs little introduction. We all remember this as the game that made us fear typhoid and dysentery. Back in those days, the biggest decision we had to make as a kid was whether or not to ford that river.
So, surprise to my eyes, I see that an updated version of Oregon Trail is available for mobile phones. Of course, I grab this title as quickly as I can and start playing. How does the ol' Trail hold up?
The first thing that I notice is the lack of options in the general store. Gone are the days when you had to worry about axels and oxen and clothing, etc. All you are given the option to purchase is with which wagon you wish to journey. At subsequent stops, the only things you can buy are food and "wagon supplies". Ammo isn't even a commodity anymore. So how do you hunt, you may ask? Well, that's where things derail a bit.
Periodically, along the trail, you come across a few events with one of them being hunting. That's right, you don't get to choose when you want to hunt anymore. Instead, you'd better hope that you'll come across one of these events if your coffers are running low. The hunting is based on a goal the hunter gives you (shoot 6 squirrels, etc) which makes things a little more interesting. What isn't cool is when your wagon crew is starving and the guy has you hunting rabbits.
The hunting controls well enough, but you're also required to pick up the meat after shooting an animal. This gets a little frustrating after a while after the 6th time you get mauled by a bear. Oh yeah, and there's still that 100 lb. limit.
The game also includes a few more mini-games like fishing and wagon repair. Fishing isn't really that fun (and it's also pretty hard sometimes) while wagon repair is a pseudo-rhythm game where you nail nails into a plank of wood. When given the opportunity to caulk the wagon or take shortcuts via a nearby river, the game cuts into a driving game that doesn't control quite like I wish it would.
New to the game is the inclusion of quests. There are three different quest types: delivery, race and hitchhiker. Hitchhiker is pointless; Race will leave your party exhausted. Delivery is a train quest (where you deliver from fort-to-fort) that will get you a few dollars. The delivery quest attempts to have a sub-plot narrative, but [SPOILER] it eventually leads to nothing.
A funny little addition is the dialog your party has if you're going at easy or medium pace. Here's a little exerpt:
Son: I'm hungry.
Wife: Well, there's cake.
Son: That's a lie!
Har-dee-har-har. I wish the dialog was a bit self-referential because we all know the only people buying this will be looking for that nostalgia.
My main beef with this game is how repetitive it is. There's about four minutes of content spread over 30-45 minutes. Just a few more different random events would've made this a bit more interesting. Instead, after the fourth time my kid got bit by a snake, I let the little bastard die. Stop fucking with snakes, moron.
In the end, poor game design slightly beats out nostalgia for me. I'm playing through this game again taking a running diary, so hopefully I'll be posting that soon.
Rating: Thumbs down.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Review: Grand Theft Auto IV
As always, there will be spoilers.
This weekend, I finally finished GTA IV. As the credits started rolling, I set down my controller down and sat in my seat a-washed in satisfaction.
While the ending left MUCH to be desired, the experience was amazing. Towards the end, I was emotionally moved by the tale that was being spun. That's when I realized that the "ending" was much more than the final cinematic. The final arc begins with the capture of Darko Brevic, and that's where the game just becomes a whirlwind.
The game started out enough as an enjoyable romp, but the weight and drama of the story set in soon after. I was sprung. The story wasn't anything too amazing, but, instead, Rockstar decided to allow the characters and experiences to carry the weight. The story of the McCreary's was fascinating, and Brucie (who just has to be related to the "Boom! Headshot!" guy from Youtube) is the most phenomenally gross generalization of a steroid-infused closet-homosexual ever.
The missions don't have a lot of range, but that goes to show that, when the game steps out of the normal fetch quests, it truly shines. Missions like bank robbery, jailbreak, McReary double-cross and the abandoned hospital stick out in my mind, and Rockstar was wise to pace them accordingly. If anyone plays long enough to reach the bank robbery, I doubt that they will ever quit playing.
Outside of the mission experiences, the rest of the game is absolutely immersive. I am not joking that I spent the first hour or two of the game watching Roman's TV. Also, attending Perestroika and Split Sides just had me amazed at the amount of content contained in the title.
Surely, the game has its flaws, but nitpicking a masterpiece gets you nowhere. This is the landmark of the generation to only be outdone by the next GTA.
Rating: Thumbs Up.
This weekend, I finally finished GTA IV. As the credits started rolling, I set down my controller down and sat in my seat a-washed in satisfaction.
While the ending left MUCH to be desired, the experience was amazing. Towards the end, I was emotionally moved by the tale that was being spun. That's when I realized that the "ending" was much more than the final cinematic. The final arc begins with the capture of Darko Brevic, and that's where the game just becomes a whirlwind.
The game started out enough as an enjoyable romp, but the weight and drama of the story set in soon after. I was sprung. The story wasn't anything too amazing, but, instead, Rockstar decided to allow the characters and experiences to carry the weight. The story of the McCreary's was fascinating, and Brucie (who just has to be related to the "Boom! Headshot!" guy from Youtube) is the most phenomenally gross generalization of a steroid-infused closet-homosexual ever.
The missions don't have a lot of range, but that goes to show that, when the game steps out of the normal fetch quests, it truly shines. Missions like bank robbery, jailbreak, McReary double-cross and the abandoned hospital stick out in my mind, and Rockstar was wise to pace them accordingly. If anyone plays long enough to reach the bank robbery, I doubt that they will ever quit playing.
Outside of the mission experiences, the rest of the game is absolutely immersive. I am not joking that I spent the first hour or two of the game watching Roman's TV. Also, attending Perestroika and Split Sides just had me amazed at the amount of content contained in the title.
Surely, the game has its flaws, but nitpicking a masterpiece gets you nowhere. This is the landmark of the generation to only be outdone by the next GTA.
Rating: Thumbs Up.
Revamp
It's been months since I've last updated, and all I have to offer is this:
I haven't felt the need.
When I created this blog, my intention was to make a Kotaku-like site, but now i've decided that creating a news site without any actual insider info was kind've futile. Instead, I will turn this into a features/reviews site. Starting today, I will add some reviews to this site using this scale:
Thumbs Up and Thumbs Down.
I'm cutting out the bullshit in my review score, and if you want to quantify it, try reading the text.
Of course, since I'm not actually press, I will mostly review backlogged games. Of course, if I get a shiny new game, I will review it when I have a sufficient opinion of the title.
So, sit tight. I'm hoping to get some more momentum in my own posts as well as maybe getting a couple of additional writers on board.
I haven't felt the need.
When I created this blog, my intention was to make a Kotaku-like site, but now i've decided that creating a news site without any actual insider info was kind've futile. Instead, I will turn this into a features/reviews site. Starting today, I will add some reviews to this site using this scale:
Thumbs Up and Thumbs Down.
I'm cutting out the bullshit in my review score, and if you want to quantify it, try reading the text.
Of course, since I'm not actually press, I will mostly review backlogged games. Of course, if I get a shiny new game, I will review it when I have a sufficient opinion of the title.
So, sit tight. I'm hoping to get some more momentum in my own posts as well as maybe getting a couple of additional writers on board.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Podcasting cont'd
Here's a rundown of the podcasts I listen to and my opinions of them:
CAGCast (Cheap Ass Gamer): This is a decent podcast. CheapyD often does a balancing act between decent humor and just the crude stuff. It either works or it doesn't. Wombat is an archetypal sidekick character and is often reactionary to CheapyD's comments. These guys know their games, but there can be stretches of boredom due to a lot of tangential content that ultimately leads to nowhere.
EGM Live (1Up): This is a total hit or miss show. As lovely as Jennifer Tsao is and sounds, her "character" is totally boring and just kind've awkward. Crispin Boyer is great. As an EGM veteran, it's neat to hear a lot of what he has to say. I just wish Dan "Shoe" Hsu had the same level of skill with the mic. He's often a little too soft-spoken. Shane Bettenhausen (I'd confirm that spelling, but I'm a little too lazy) can be overbearing at times and humorous at others. He is knowledgeable, but I'm pretty sure he makes half that shit up as well. If there's anything that I would love, I think that the cast of EGM Live should consist of Crispin, Shane and Seanbaby. The fourth chair could be a revolving spot, but those three are golden together (as in their Broken Pixels videos).
GFWRadio (1Up): Oh boy, the brodeo is on fire! This is the epitome of treehouse gaming where some guys are just hanging out and talking about games. Shawn Elliot is fantastic and Jeff Green's straight-laced humor (or is he just old?) clash into an explosion of awesomeness. Ryan is pretty good at being the butt of many jokes, and everyone else is just sort've auxiliary in relation to the bigger personalities of Shawn and Jeff. This is a must listen-to podcast because it is more than just videogames. These are dudes hanging out. Well, 3 dudes and the uber-nerd Ryan.
Gamesages (IGN): Still a little too new. It is a little boring so far as their shows consist of a single topic, but I'll give it a fair shake.
Podcast Beyond (IGN): A Sony-centric show. This is a show just brimming with personality. These guys react and counterreact with eachother with great aplomb. They aren't as humorous as GFW, but their chemistry is pretty damn good. There segues rock, and I enjoy their closing music most of the time. This is a total ensemble cast and should be on every podcaster's subscription list.
Wii-k in Review (IGN): A Nintendo-centric show. Really bland. Rarely, you'll find a gem in this one. Recommended for Nintendo fanboys or Cassamassina fans.
Game Scoop (IGN): A XBOX 360-centric show. This is a Podcast Beyond-lite. They do some fun little discussions and cover all gaming. This is recommended if you enjoy Podcast Beyond. Scoop!
Three Red Lights (IGN): This is a more straight-laced version of Podcast Beyond. Hilary Goldstein and crew are funny and interesting guys, but they've got nothing on Podcast Beyond. I still recommend this, though.
Joystiq (Joystiq): This is my least favorite podcast on my list. These guys are just boring. Also, because they all broadcast from different areas and conditions, it all sounds disjointed. CAGcast is two guys from across the world, and they sound like they're in the same room. Their lack of professionalism with regards to cellphones is frustrating (especially the popping sound that occurs frequently from the silenced phones). Too many awkward conversations and those technical popping sounds just show a lack of editing and polish. I'm still working backwards through their backlog, but it just gets progressively worse.
1Up Yours (1Up): What can I say? I love British folk. John Davison is fantastic and Shane is still solid. I don't really care much for Garnett, but I suppose some people enjoy him as the host. Adding Shawn Elliot to the mix will just be fantastic. They really should do an all-star cast with John, Shawn, Shane and Seanbaby. You would have just about every form of humor with that group.
Retronauts (1Up): This is the most subjective podcast. If you enjoy the subject matter, by all means, enjoy the show. Nostalgia is the driving force, so make sure you keep it in tow.
And that's it for now. Upon Mr. Zuniga's recommendation, I'm going to tune into the Sports Anomaly, so look for my opinion soon.
Oh, and Todd, I didn't mean to single out your show. I also don't listen to Legendary Thread because I, well, tend to play good games.
CAGCast (Cheap Ass Gamer): This is a decent podcast. CheapyD often does a balancing act between decent humor and just the crude stuff. It either works or it doesn't. Wombat is an archetypal sidekick character and is often reactionary to CheapyD's comments. These guys know their games, but there can be stretches of boredom due to a lot of tangential content that ultimately leads to nowhere.
EGM Live (1Up): This is a total hit or miss show. As lovely as Jennifer Tsao is and sounds, her "character" is totally boring and just kind've awkward. Crispin Boyer is great. As an EGM veteran, it's neat to hear a lot of what he has to say. I just wish Dan "Shoe" Hsu had the same level of skill with the mic. He's often a little too soft-spoken. Shane Bettenhausen (I'd confirm that spelling, but I'm a little too lazy) can be overbearing at times and humorous at others. He is knowledgeable, but I'm pretty sure he makes half that shit up as well. If there's anything that I would love, I think that the cast of EGM Live should consist of Crispin, Shane and Seanbaby. The fourth chair could be a revolving spot, but those three are golden together (as in their Broken Pixels videos).
GFWRadio (1Up): Oh boy, the brodeo is on fire! This is the epitome of treehouse gaming where some guys are just hanging out and talking about games. Shawn Elliot is fantastic and Jeff Green's straight-laced humor (or is he just old?) clash into an explosion of awesomeness. Ryan is pretty good at being the butt of many jokes, and everyone else is just sort've auxiliary in relation to the bigger personalities of Shawn and Jeff. This is a must listen-to podcast because it is more than just videogames. These are dudes hanging out. Well, 3 dudes and the uber-nerd Ryan.
Gamesages (IGN): Still a little too new. It is a little boring so far as their shows consist of a single topic, but I'll give it a fair shake.
Podcast Beyond (IGN): A Sony-centric show. This is a show just brimming with personality. These guys react and counterreact with eachother with great aplomb. They aren't as humorous as GFW, but their chemistry is pretty damn good. There segues rock, and I enjoy their closing music most of the time. This is a total ensemble cast and should be on every podcaster's subscription list.
Wii-k in Review (IGN): A Nintendo-centric show. Really bland. Rarely, you'll find a gem in this one. Recommended for Nintendo fanboys or Cassamassina fans.
Game Scoop (IGN): A XBOX 360-centric show. This is a Podcast Beyond-lite. They do some fun little discussions and cover all gaming. This is recommended if you enjoy Podcast Beyond. Scoop!
Three Red Lights (IGN): This is a more straight-laced version of Podcast Beyond. Hilary Goldstein and crew are funny and interesting guys, but they've got nothing on Podcast Beyond. I still recommend this, though.
Joystiq (Joystiq): This is my least favorite podcast on my list. These guys are just boring. Also, because they all broadcast from different areas and conditions, it all sounds disjointed. CAGcast is two guys from across the world, and they sound like they're in the same room. Their lack of professionalism with regards to cellphones is frustrating (especially the popping sound that occurs frequently from the silenced phones). Too many awkward conversations and those technical popping sounds just show a lack of editing and polish. I'm still working backwards through their backlog, but it just gets progressively worse.
1Up Yours (1Up): What can I say? I love British folk. John Davison is fantastic and Shane is still solid. I don't really care much for Garnett, but I suppose some people enjoy him as the host. Adding Shawn Elliot to the mix will just be fantastic. They really should do an all-star cast with John, Shawn, Shane and Seanbaby. You would have just about every form of humor with that group.
Retronauts (1Up): This is the most subjective podcast. If you enjoy the subject matter, by all means, enjoy the show. Nostalgia is the driving force, so make sure you keep it in tow.
And that's it for now. Upon Mr. Zuniga's recommendation, I'm going to tune into the Sports Anomaly, so look for my opinion soon.
Oh, and Todd, I didn't mean to single out your show. I also don't listen to Legendary Thread because I, well, tend to play good games.
Dear Portal
This is a letter from my attorney Ms. Treehouse Lawyer:
As you can see, this is a serious matter.
To Portal:
You are hereby subpoenaed to appear in court in the case of Portal v. Gamer.
My client, Mr. T. H. Gamer, claims that you have committed an act of perjury involving a cake and the contract killing of a Mr. C. Cube.
We also have irrefutable evidence of an attempted murder of my client via proxy by a Ms. G. Dos.
My client has filed for a lawsuit for the sum of:
1 cake
Failure to appear in court will result in further legal action.
Signed,
T.H. Lawyer
As you can see, this is a serious matter.
Dear Assassin's Creed,
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
It was nice spending some time with you. You know, you're not as bad as most people say.
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
I can only take you in short doses. Any more than that, and I think that our relationship may go downhill.
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
It was so fun just running around with you! You've shown me things that I've never seen before!
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
You're kind've shallow. All you like to do is kill people. That's not nice.
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
You know those informants with the flags? Yeah, those guys were great!
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
I don't think we can see each other any more. It's like all you want to do is kill kill kill.
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
I still love the freedom with you. Just climbing and finding flags with you is a breath of fresh air.
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
I almost don't care what you have to say anymore, and it's like when the story starts to go somewhere -
It was nice spending some time with you. You know, you're not as bad as most people say.
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
I can only take you in short doses. Any more than that, and I think that our relationship may go downhill.
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
It was so fun just running around with you! You've shown me things that I've never seen before!
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
You're kind've shallow. All you like to do is kill people. That's not nice.
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
You know those informants with the flags? Yeah, those guys were great!
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
I don't think we can see each other any more. It's like all you want to do is kill kill kill.
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
I still love the freedom with you. Just climbing and finding flags with you is a breath of fresh air.
Hi, Assassin's Creed,
I almost don't care what you have to say anymore, and it's like when the story starts to go somewhere -
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Dear Mass Effect,
Oh, Mass Effect.
You keep me up so late at night that I ignore my day-to-day jobs. You whisper sweet things to me, and you make me feel like I'm in control of my destiny.
Everyone seems to see me as some sort of rebel or renegade, but I know that you see me as a true hero. I'm the hero everyone needs whether they think they do or not. I get the job done by any means.
I know that recently some people have tried to tarnish your name, but I am unfazed. You're still the same delight to take on nightly walks in the Citadel.
And I forgive you for the Mako.
Love,
Mr. Gamer
You keep me up so late at night that I ignore my day-to-day jobs. You whisper sweet things to me, and you make me feel like I'm in control of my destiny.
Everyone seems to see me as some sort of rebel or renegade, but I know that you see me as a true hero. I'm the hero everyone needs whether they think they do or not. I get the job done by any means.
I know that recently some people have tried to tarnish your name, but I am unfazed. You're still the same delight to take on nightly walks in the Citadel.
And I forgive you for the Mako.
Love,
Mr. Gamer
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